i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
