I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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