I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
