They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
