Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
