could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
