I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
