I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
