omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
