Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
