Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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