i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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