he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
