2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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