Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
