What a fucking waste of an outfit
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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