It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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