lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
