ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
