at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
