my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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