She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
