ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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