I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
