in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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