It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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