Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
