So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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