who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
