Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize