all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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