Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
