is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
