i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
