he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
