Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
