nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
