I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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