You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
