She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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