One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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