google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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