Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've blown a few things in my day
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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