My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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