Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
