I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
