you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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