on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
