I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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