i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
