my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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