sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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