I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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