My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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