Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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