We won't sleep together?
i just had sex bonerless
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
