Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
