I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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