Umm I'm too high to move.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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