He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
