This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
