She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
