I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
