It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
