Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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