the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
