Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Your dad touched me again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
