Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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