How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
