strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize